This Could Be Why I Have Trust Issues..

What a month this has been! I’ve been so busy with life that I completely neglected this page, but I suppose that there is no better time like the present to get back into the swing of things! And I’m sure that some people are very curious to ask, “What has kept you so busy?”

Well, it all started with trusting someone who didn’t deserve that trust. Mind you, this was months ago, but the feeling of betrayal associated with this as well as the utter embarrassment for allowing myself to be this stupid really affected me for a while after the fact, which encouraged me to take a little time away from life and social media to relax and mentally recuperate from the event. It had started innocently enough with a girl that I used to really like messaging me to reconnect. I was ecstatic at her sudden interest, and conversation with her flowed well for about a week and a half, even with plans to go out on a date with her!

Those that know me know that I, 1- Fall hard for someone when I do and 2- Don’t always listen to reason when this happens. That being said, she mentioned a financial hardship associated with her ex boyfriend and was begging for a small loan to get out of from between the rock and the hard place that she had gotten into. I was a little hesitant, but I ended up loaning her the money after being pressured pretty hard by her sweetness. Afterwards, she stopped talking to me for a while, which really told me everything that I needed to know to start with, but I decided to look into her a little more to find out what was going on. Turned out, she had a long-term boyfriend that she was hiding online so that she could con money out of me at the time.

I felt betrayed and hurt because I had opened up to yet another person that intended just to use me for their own personal gain! I didn’t discuss this knowledge with her, of course, but instead insisted that she sign a payment plan with me so that we were both on equal footing with the loan that I had given to her. She did not want to sign it, and accused me of being an insensitive jerk for asking for this. After going back and forth for about a week about this, I informed her that if she refused to sign it, I would be forced to discuss this situation with her boyfriend since she had lied to me and was going behind his back for her own personal gain. She was very quick to pay back my money at this point, as well as remove me from her social media, and also made me promise to not inform her boyfriend of this because he was “going through a rough time”. I told her to never speak to me again and have since left it at that.

This happened a few months ago, as I had said above, but the damage emotionally that I feel from it persists still. I can’t help but feel that if I am attracted to a woman, that her only thoughts that she could possibly have towards me is only what she can get out of the interaction with me for herself. I realize that I have a history of attracting this kind of woman to me, and I often wonder what I can do in my life to prevent this from happening again in the future (short of staying off social media from now on and never messaging back to women that I’m attracted to unless it’s someone I hang out with regularly). I would love to think that I can have a loving and caring relationship with someone, but then I have interactions like this that really make me question it. I do kind of hope that she reads this so that she can see that she is an untrustworthy human being and that it will eventually catch up with her, but on the same token, I hope that she gets through this stage in her life so that she can have a healthy and happy relationship with someone.

Feel free to follow me on Facebook through my fitness and health group, where like-minded people are there to give each other motivation and support, even during difficult/trying times in their lives! https://www.facebook.com/groups/221530385218170/

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